


to risk everything and still survive

by YunaDragneel



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholism, Despair, Emotional, Hurt No Comfort, Multi, Traumatized character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:44:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5744311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaDragneel/pseuds/YunaDragneel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jason returned, the world he knew was no longer the one he cherished. He was missing the warmth of family and he decides to look after the remains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to risk everything and still survive

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5699884) It's vital to read first. I don't have a song recommendation to go with this fic, just listen to something emotional/sad.

_“Todd, it is me, Damian. I wanted to tell you that this might be the final goodbye. Gotham is a warzone and we are the soldiers. Grayson is safe, do not worry about him. I do not know about Father or Drake or Brown or Cain. I do not know. I might not make it out alive. Pennyworth died protecting us, giving us time for a get-away. I am sure Drake and Father will get out alive, they are smart. Goodbye… Jason. I sincerely wish you the best. Do not come back to Gotham. Never.”_

Jason stared at the phone, unable to say what he thought or felt. There was this… void inside of him. Alfred was dead. Damian was… fuck he didn’t know. He knew his cheeks were wet, his sight blurry. Strange. One time he was off world and everything went to shit. Mechanically he stood up, walked to the ship’s main computer. He needed to know. See what the news said. Jason didn’t want it to be true. No matter how much he had hated Bruce and the family for everything… he couldn’t have wished that fate upon them.

The main computer went online and Jason hesitated, but typed in the word **Batman**. And his heart broke. **Batman revealed – Bruce Wayne was the dark knight**. **The Batman is dead**.

“No,” Jason whispered, “No no no. This─ this can’t be. Fuck this isn’t─” The pictures related to the article told different stories. He could see a dead Batgirl, Black Bat and Batman. But there were no traces of Red Robin or Robin himself. Only this one blurry picture of Robin carrying Red Robin. Damian having been unable to leave Tim behind. But when an article stated that an officer killed Robin who had carried a corpse with him, it was obvious that Tim hadn’t made it. Neither had Damian. And Jason’s heart broke once more. He buried his face in his hands, letting a choked sob through. They were dead. His family was dead. Everyone aside from Dick. How was his older brother taking the news? Jason swallowed the lump in his throat. He needed to get to Blüdhaven.

“Jaybird?” Roy called from the entrance to the chamber. “Are you alright?” The man in question turned around, tears staining his face and his hands shaking. And Roy knew something was wrong. “What’s wrong?” He walked over to the distraught vigilante, knelt down beside him.

“They’re… fuck they’re all dead,” Jason choked out, trying to keep his voice under control. But there was no way he could do it.

“Who is dead? Jason what are you talking about?” Roy looked at the screen and his eyes widened. “Jay, oh god.” He wrapped his arms around Jason, trying to comfort him.

“I need to see Dick,” he interrupted, rubbing his hands over his face, “He’s─ He’s the last of my family. I need to see him.”

“Of course, Jaybird, let’s get you to Blüdhaven.” Roy ran his hands through Jason’s hair, soothingly, trying to calm him.

*

Jason entered Dick’s apartment through the window. It was dark out and neither Nightwing nor Officer Grayson were on duty. So he had to be home. When he was inside Jason could smell the stench of alcohol and rot. He ventured on in, had to see what Dick was up to. Pretty soon he found Dick on the couch with a bottle of whiskey in his hands. Jason stopped in the doorway. Swallowing the lump in his throat, when Dick took another swig of the bottle, downing the last rest of the liquid.

“Dick…?” The man glanced at him. Jason could see all the pain in his eyes, the heartbreak and hurt.

“Why are you here Jason?” He slurred through the obvious intoxication. Too much alcohol, as if he was trying to─ trying to kill himself by drinking.

“I wanted─ I wanted to see how you’re doing,” Jason replied. He felt back like he was Robin the first time, looking at Dick who didn’t seem too pleased with him yet. It was the same fucking feeling and he hated it.

“Oh I’m doing stellar.” The sarcasm was obvious even though he wasn’t sober. “The family is fucking dead and I’m doing great!” And it hurt Jason. The way Dick thought he had come here to mock him about the family’s death.

“Damian… sent me a voice mail before he died.”

“Oh fucking hell Jason. I don’t have the time to listen to your bullshit,” Dick growled, glaring at the person in the doorway. “Go somewhere else with your glee about the family being dead.”

“I’m not laughing─ fuck, Dick. I don’t want this to be true,” Jason tried to stop his voice from cracking. It didn’t work, but maybe it was for the better. “I miss them.”

“Oh golly, you miss them? You didn’t even like them!” Dick snarled, getting up and stumbling over to Jason. He got right up in his face and kept on talking. “To you it’s probably the greatest fucking gift ever huh. Damian _died_. Alone. Tim, Bruce, Steph, Cass and whoever else was in this god forsaken family is dead. Everyone aside from you and me!” Dick grabbed Jason’s shirt, balling his fists and looking down. “I hate myself for wishing it had been us instead… It had been you instead of Damian.” Jason said nothing, felt Dick trembling and he wasn’t sure if it was from the sadness or the alcohol.

“Damian told me to never return to Gotham,” Jason muttered, “I was off world. He knew. And yet he still… He was looking out for me. I feel fucking awful. I should have been there. I should have been able to protect them─ they didn’t deserve this at all.” The taller man grabbed Dick’s shoulders, squeezed them. “Fuck, you’re right. I would have deserved this. Not them.” And it seemed as if the harshness of what Dick has said seeped into him, as the drunk man looked up at him.

“Fuck, Jay no. Little wing I didn’t─ God no─”

“I get it. I’m the misfit of the family─” They were interrupted when Jason’s phone rang. Lightly disturbed he looked at the screen and found an unknown number. Cautiously he picked up.

“Are you Jason?” The unknown voice on the other end of the line asked.

“Yeah, who’re you?” He barked, growling lightly.

“The officer who shot Robin.” Jason tensed, balling his free fist.

“The fuck do you want from me?”

“He is not dead. Look I don’t have much time, but I assure you that I didn’t shoot Robin. He is somewhere safe, not in Gotham,” the man explained in a hushed voice, “My life is at stake when my fellow colleagues find out. But I couldn’t keep quiet to the people who know him. I couldn’t save Red Robin. He had been dead for some time when I encountered Robin in the forest.” Jason’s mouth felt dry. “Maybe you can track his phone? He should still have it. Look, I’m sorry, but I needed it to look like I shot him or else he would have died. I couldn’t save the other bats… I hope you’ll find him.” With that the man dropped the conversation and ended the call. Jason’s heart hammered in his chest. If what this guy had been saying was true then… Damian was alive. He was okay. Fuck, he was willing to bet on the chance.

“Give me your laptop.” Jason put his phone in his jacket again, staring down at Dick. The man pushed himself away and glared up at him.

“You know where it is.” He stepped away, crossed his arms. Without looking at Dick Jason turned away, going towards the kitchen where Dick mostly kept his laptop. The older of the two followed him, went ahead into the kitchen to grab a bottle of whiskey and opened it. Jason meanwhile booted up the laptop.

“You should stop drinking.” Jason didn’t dare look back at him.

“Fuck off Jason. Mind your own fucking business,” Dick replied, taking a long swig of the bottle, downing the liquid. Jason ignored it, tried to stop thinking about Dick getting wasted once more. But he knew what alcohol did to people. He knew from Roy, knew from himself. The times where everything seemed like shit, he had needed an escape. But this was Dick. His brother. Looking at the laptop he was painfully reminded of the family they had lost, the background was a picture of all of them, he didn’t know who shot it but… it was a precious memory. Jason opened a tracking program, running Damian’s number through it. Tim and Bruce had wired everyone’s phones just in case they had been kidnapped in their civil persona.

“I’m serious Dick. Roy knows the effects of drinking too much, and you should know too,” Jason muttered. Dick had grabbed a glass, held it painfully tight in his grip. “I know everything went to shit, but still. Please Dick. I don’t want to lose the last of my family. We both lost enough.” There was pain and a crash. Glass shards were on the floor and Jason pressed his hand to his temple, feeling a little blood oozing out. Judging from the look on Dick’s face, he was equally shocked of his reaction. The glass he had held in his hand was shattered on the floor around Jason’s feet.

“Oh god… Jason I’m─” Dick reached out for him, but Jason flinched away. “─sorry…” Jason didn’t reply, looked at the laptop which had finished tracking the number to a hospital in Metropolis. Superman. Maybe Clark had been responsible for getting Damian away from Gotham. Jason memorized the street name, closing the program. “Jay please, wait. Let me─” The taller of the two swiftly closed the laptop and glared at his brother.

“No. I won’t let you near him if you’re still drunk,” Jason growled and stormed out of the apartment, leaving Dick behind.

*

The flight to Metropolis hadn’t been long. Roy and Kori had been quiet most of the time, noticing that Jason was more lost in thought. But Roy wanted to know what had went down. They were close to the city and would drop Jason off soon.

“Jaybird?” Roy sat down beside him, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hm?” Jason looked at him, knowing what Roy was going to ask. The wound on his temple had been enough to shock him.

“What happened with Dickiebird?”

“He was drunk, bastard threw a glass at me when I asked him to stop drinking.” Jason tried to keep his voice even, but Roy noticed the slight cracks here and there.

“And how are you feeling about it?” Roy felt Jason tense, knowing he had struck a nerve with the question.

“I feel like shit,” Jason replied, “He’s family, my brother. I just wanted him to fucking understand that he is ruining everything with him being a drunk ass. I was… fuck, Roy, I was scared for a moment when he threw the glass at me.” He stopped for a moment, taking deep breaths. “Bruce got me off the streets back when my life went to hell. Dick was there for me, he is my brother. The people I call family? The biggest part is dead. I don’t know how Damian is, but I know he’s not gonna be okay. And Dick? He’s proving to turn out like my life before Bruce took me in.” Jason rubbed his hands over his face. He was tired. So tired, he wished he could sleep for months and pretend this was a bad dream. The bruise around the cut where the glass had shattered hurt with the motion, but it was a reminder of what Dick had done. “He told me he wished it had been me instead of them.” Jason clenched his fists. “And I wish it had been me too.” His voice gave in, and Roy wrapped his arms around him.

“Shhh… Jaybird. It’s not your fault. Whilst you’re in Metropolis, I’ll talk to Dick. I’ll do something to make him realize,” Roy muttered, kissing the top of Jason’s head.

“We’re here,” Kori noted. Jason nodded, removing himself from Roy’s embrace and got up.

“I’ll see you then.” With that he left the ship.

*

Jason waited at the reception for someone to come along. A blonde woman in her twenties who had just been chatting with a colleague of hers arrived at the desk, smiling at Jason.

“How can I help you sir?”

“I’m looking for someone. My brother, Damian Wayne,” he replied. The woman’s eyes widened a bit and she began to search through files.

“Yes─ uh. One moment, sir. You see. It’s not that easy to let anyone near him,” she clarified, “Superman has told this hospital to only let trusted doctors and people in.” She looked over the files. “I really feel for him, the poor boy is heavily traumatized and was admitted to the psych ward.” Jason’s heart dropped.

“My name is Jason Todd,” he muttered, “Bruce Wayne adopted me a while back so technically I’m his family.” That seemed to ring a bell.

“I see. Yes of course,” she smiled, “I will bring you to him shortly. Miss Leslie Thompkins already told me about your arrival.” She gathered up the files and got up.

“Wait. Leslie knew?” He was a bit confused. What did Batman’s personal trusted doctor have to do with the people in Metropolis? The woman nodded and waved at Jason to follow her, which he did.

“Yes. Miss Thompkins told us about the remaining family. Should one of them come here, it’s the highest priority to let them see Mister Wayne.” Jason followed the woman, unsure of what to await when he got to Damian. “My name is Ashley Simmers, and I was actually assigned to be the head nurse of the small team attending Mister Wayne.” She looked back at Jason and gave a sad smile. “He always calls me Stephanie. I presume she was his girlfriend.”

“Yeah… Steph and Cass were important people in his lives,” Jason muttered, “And you really bear a resemblance to Steph.” Ashley nodded slightly.

“It’s the only time we get a response from him,” she continued, “Mister Wayne doesn’t respond at all. Only when I enter the room he calls me Stephanie, then he apologizes and stops talking.”

“Anything else I need to know?” Jason asked.

“Don’t talk about Timothy Drake-Wayne.” Ashley’s voice was serious, and she stopped to turn and look at him. “The one time we tried, Mister Wayne almost managed to tear his arms open, because he entered a psychotic episode. We had to sedate him.” A shiver ran through Jason, but he nodded. Ashley turned around and walked on into a more secluded area of the hospital. “I just hope Mister Wayne isn’t having a bad day today.” The man didn’t know what she meant, but didn’t want to dig deeper. The blonde woman stopped in front of a door and looked at Jason. “This is his room. I hope you will be able to talk to him.” She opened the door and let Jason continue on in alone.

Damian sat curled up on the bed, thick bandages wrapped around his wrists, fastened with belts. He picked on the bandages, not noticing someone was in his room. The eighteen year old looked so small. He looked up, eyes fixed on Jason all of a sudden. They looked so dull, as if there was no life left in Damian. Jason took a cautious step closer. The first few moments they just stared at each other. Waiting. Realizing the other was there. Then Damian jumped at him, wrapping his arms around Jason, sobbing. It took the taller man off guard, but he was glad he had gotten a reaction out of him.

“Hey… Damian,” Jason muttered, wrapping his arms around him, “Shh, Dami… I’m here.”

“Jay, Jay, Jason,” he cried, “/I missed you. I am so sorry. I could not save anyone please do not hate me./” He spoke so fast, Jason had a hard time keeping up. It didn’t help that he was speaking in Arabic.

“/I couldn’t hate you, babybat./” Jason knew his Arabic was rusty, but Talia had taught him things back then after he was resurrected. And he could put it to good use now. He stroked the younger man’s head, gently running his fingers through his hair. “/I’m glad you’re alive. I thought… you were all dead./”

“/I could not save anyone./” Jason squeezed Damian slightly, knowing it tore him up inside.

“/I don’t blame you./” Damian kept on crying, unable to stop. “Damian, I’m sorry I left you all alone. I should have been there when the mob got to you all. I could have protected you.” The younger of the two looked up at Jason, his eyes red rimmed from crying. And Jason? Jason’s eyes were watering. He felt so guilty.

“Jay, don’t cry,” Damian spoke in Tim’s voice, “It’s not your fault.” The older man’s heart broke at the perfect imitation of Tim’s voice. “Bruce tried to protect us.” Jason couldn’t stop the choked sob from escaping his throat. “Jason, it’s okay. We didn’t know that the people were planning to kill us. We’re all just glad that you and Dick are alright.” Damian’s voice changed multiple timed throughout the sentence. From Tim to Bruce to Steph to Cass and back to his own. Jason leaned down and kissed Damian’s forehead, tears still flowing freely.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through this, Damian,” he whispered, his voice breaking, “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to leave you all alone.” Damian reached up with one arm and ran his hand through Jason’s short locks.

“Master Jason, we do not blame you,” Damian replied in Alfred’s voice, “It has been a great pleasure to know you were not there when the people attacked.” Jason felt sick from guilt. Damian had to do this all the time. Talking to himself in the voices of the others. Maybe he did it without even noticing. Pretending they were all alive. “But I am glad that you have found me.” This time it was all his own voice.

“It took so long. I could’ve found you sooner,” Jason whispered, “A lot sooner. God please forgive me Damian.”

“There is nothing to forgive you for, Todd,” he replied, “I wish I had died along with the others that night.” Damian buried his face in the crook of Jason’s neck. “I… I want to see them again.”

“Me too, babybat. I want to see them too.”

“Jason… I am sorry,” he whispered, “You have to see me like this… Can I─ Can I ask where Grayson is?”

“Dick, he’s… not doing good.” Jason paused. “He’s been drinking, I tried to get him to stop.” Damian looked up and noticed the bruise, his eyes widening a little. He reached up, touched the bruise with gentle fingers, ghosting over the gauze where the cut was beneath.

“Grayson did this?” Jason nodded.

“He threw a glass at me when I told him to stop drinking.” God he felt so awful. He hadn’t been able to get Dick to stop drinking.

“I am sorry. We caused you both so much pain.” Damian began to talk in Tim’s voice again. “I wish we’d known. Then we could’ve gotten out and not left you all alone, Jay.” The door opened, startling Damian a little. Jason looked over to see Ashley, smiling apologetically at them.

“I’m sorry, I have to inform you that visiting time is over,” she told them. Something switched inside Damian and he clutched tighter to Jason.

“No you will not take him from me!!” Damian snarled. “He is my family, I have a right to stay with him!!”

“Mister Wayne, this is all for your safety,” Ashley tried to reason.

“You shall not tear my family apart any more!” He cried out, tears overflowing from his eyes once more. “I will not let you take the last of my family away from me!” Damian buried his face in Jason’s chest. “Please Jason. Do not leave me alone here. I beg you, please.” The outbreak shocked Jason a little and as much as he didn’t want to leave Damian alone, he had to. If he stayed, the hospital would most likely never let him back here.

“Dami, listen to me okay?” That caught Damian’s attention and he looked up at Jason with wide eyes. “I have to go, but I’ll come back for you. I’ll be right back tomorrow.” Damian wanted to say something, but Jason continued, smiling sorrowful. “If I don’t go, then they might not let me come back here, babybat. I promise you though, that I will be right back tomorrow, okay?” Hesitantly, Damian unwrapped his arms from Jason and stepped back.

“You will be here again tomorrow?” He asked, looking hopeful like a child. Jason nodded. Damian bit his lip, debating if he should let Jason go. “Okay.” He returned back to sitting curled up on the bed, a position that had Jason’s heart in knots. But he couldn’t stay. He turned around and walked out of the room. Just as the door was closing he heard Damian mutter. “He really came to see us, Timothy.” Jason’s heart broke all over again.

*

As promised Jason had returned the next day. But he didn’t know what changed.


End file.
